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JAFAIAM

Do we still care? 

Sometimes I find myself Questioning my motivation
Questioning my passion
The drive I harbored within me
Seems to have faded
The fire I had in my eyes
Seems to have been put out
My last hope rested on her
Or so I thought
But it’s been so long she has left me
So why
I know it’s not for me
Maybe it’s for them
The one that are supposed to come after me
Maybe it’s for them
The one that were here 
Before me

Ja Fa

Goodbye 

I just came to say goodbye. I know you probably don’t want hear from me anymore. But I felt, coming to say goodbye was what we both needed. 

I know telling you now how much I’ve loved you, won’t actually make you feel better. I know telling you how much I miss you, won’t make it better. You just have to know that I felt it, I felt the love you relentlessly poured into me, I felt my pieces being put back together by that love of yours, I felt my darken sky being lighten up by you. 

So this may be a goodbye, but the love I felt for you will comfort me till the end of my life. 
Ja Fa 

New Confidents 

If none of my friends want to listen to what I’ve to say. 

I’ll confide into strangers, that don’t even care for me. 

We’ll tell each other stories, share each other worries, kiss and make love until our feelings melt together to create a new bond. 

One that’ll hopefully last longer than a mere night. 
Ja Fa 

“We all hate the things that reveal who we’ve truly become. And that’s pretty normal, who would like to face his ugliness and walk around proudly admitting to the world, that he lost himself to the part of himself he hated the most ”
Ja Fa

Conversations with myself #1

Today I went to a friend’s place, we had what we commonly call our “discovery Tuesday”. We basically meet every Tuesday and pick one TV show out of Netflix and just see it. Normally we get bored after two episodes and just start playing FIFA or PES. But what happened this Tuesday was truly remarkable, we started to see this new TV show and it was so deep, it made me reflect about life itself. It may sound cheesy I know, I haven’t even lived long enough to know all there’s to know about life but still after five episodes of that show, I found myself thinking about life and death.

At the beginning my mind was preoccupied with the afterlife, but soon enough all my attention turned back to life. What role do I play, what part are we supposed to play in life? Is it all just a game someone created? Does free will really exist? Who holds the keys? Who is it that controls the flow?  All of the questions, that have been trotting unconsciously in the back of my mind.

All those questions led me to think that there’s a flow, one in which our mind can move freely and one who moves our mind at will, without us being conscious of it. So our so called free will and the thing we refer as destiny or fate are all constricted in that flow. All the roles we play, all the ideas we come up with, all that we ever think of and all that ever happen to us, are all expected to happen within the scope of that flow.

When I realized my mind was going there, I started telling myself to stop going onto that tread of thoughts. “You might go crazy” I told myself but more importantly I was more concerned about all the safe guards, I would have set myself if I was the one controlling the flow. I mean if I was the one in control I would have done everything to remain in control and everything to destroy those questioning that control. So I guess I was kind of afraid or concerned, that by me questioning the flow itself, it would have put me in certain kind of danger. But then I thought wouldn’t it be more effective to let people know there’s a flow and there’ll never be able to escape it.

Human beings always thing of themselves as a superior species, one that never gives up , one that pursues freedom with all of his will, one that stands above the rest. But is it really like that?

We tend to enslave ourselves to false Gods, we follow the masses and give away our own freedom to whom ever come asking. That’s what we do and what we’ve always done. There may be one of two people from time to time brave enough to question the way we act and everything we stand up for. We try to destroy them with all we have. We throw at them the worse and expect them to break. If they happen to be unbreakable, what happens rarely, we kill them and elevate them to one of our fallen heroes. And oh many fallen heroes do we have and admire. We prefer them dead and quiet rather than alive and a constant remember that we aren’t what we say we are.

So all we humans really look for is a Master, one that no one will dare question. So what I was really afraid of is to realize that I had in fact already a master, that I was not only the slave to my sins but that there was someone out there that was the master of me. What was I alive for? He probably had the answer and was just waiting for me to fulfill all the promises he had placed on me. Or maybe I was already doing it, but what if I decided to change my life around, was it part of the script? How many possibilities were out there?

I wish I had all the answers and at the same time I wished to remain clueless. At that point my mind was racing crazy, and as I was sitting in the metro on my way back, I started looking at people to escape the train of thoughts I had fallen into. I saw a young lady, in her mid-twenties I would say, with a little boy around 3 years old. Suddenly he looked over at me and smiled. I must say it took me surprise, I felt like he could tell I was wrecking my brain with all those questions, and he just smiled at me in such a manner I forgot for a moment I was sitting in a train. I was just so impressed at how simple the world must have seem to him.

As I got home passing by my favorite falafel store, and inhaling the familiar smell it always produced. Like arms stretching from the store trying to pry new customers. I couldn’t resist and smile, like that little boy at how actually simple life is.

We come to the world as pure as unsullied water and embrace the world, no matter which faces it shows us. We as simple visitors of mother earth can’t help but to embrace whatever she gives to us, the good and the bad. So flow or no flow what choices to I have but to try to live this life to the fullest and experience all that it has to offer.

 

Ja Fa

Brandenburger Tor

Captured on a night stroll, one of Berlin’s most visited place. 

Ja Fa 

You came into my life 
Out of the blue
And stayed only enough 
To keep my heart 
Still pieced together
After you left

You stayed the exact amount of time 
To let me have a taste
At the poison called “love” 
Without me dying from it
Ja Fa

Even though destiny
Made us soulmates
Hazard keep keeping us apart
Going against the very will
Of the sky

Ja Fa

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